I thought I would write about what's going on with me lately, but then decided it might be easier to just share my journal entries from the past couple of days, (with a tiny bit of editing for clarity).

6/30/2011 : Exercise, good; Food, not so much

I'm still having a really hard time with food. I'm binging, and I don't seem to know how to stop. I'm okay so far today, but the day's not over. I'm thinking I may need to start working through "The Lord's Table" again. I obviously have a real problem.


7/1/2011 : Eating Disorder

I've been doing some searches on the web, and according to the Mayo Clinic, I have an eating disorder. They acknowledge that some don't consider it an actual psychiatric condition, but I have several of the symptoms of a binge eating disorder. The web page I looked at yesterday also said that it is not going to get better without help. And it said that dieting will only make it worse. I feel in a bit of a dilemma here. I don't really want to start any kind of therapy right now. I certainly don't want to add any medicine to the bunch I already take. But I wonder if I'm spinning my wheels. I'm certainly not getting very far. I am having a lot of trouble with bingeing and don't seem to be losing any weight because of it. I haven't been doing "The Lord's Table," though, and I'm thinking maybe that I should. I've done my morning prayers and will start exercising in a few minutes. Maybe after I work out I will log on and do a lesson.

Of course, TLT recommends that you don't diet, either. I don't know what to do.


7/2/2011 More Hopeful
I feel more hopeful today. I think, partly, because I have a plan of action. I worked on The Lord's Table yesterday and will again today. I'm reading and working through Dr. Phil's book, "The Ultimate Weight Solution." I'm a little more focused.

I did a little more research on the web. Though much of what I read about my eating disorder says that I need help, I think maybe I can get the help I need without entering into therapy or taking another drug. One site, for instance led me to something called Cognitive Behavior Therapy, but said it is something people can do on their own with some success. As I read more about it, I realized that it is exactly what Dr. Phil teaches in his book, specifically designed for those with weight-loss issues. Although he doesn't really refer to binge eating as a psychological disorder, he treats it as such in his advice in the book. I know the book has been very helpful to me in the past, so I'm working on it again. It's already given me some good advice and help with a plan of action.

Although The Lord's Table is obviously a very different way to approach my problem, I don't believe the two ways are incompatible. Yesterday's lesson was about walking in the Spirit. I find that for me, walking in the Spirit is easier with some practical guidelines for what that looks like in relation to not committing the sin of gluttony, i.e. bingeing. I believe that God is using CBT and Dr. Phil to help me in walking in the Spirit, at least as far as self-control (one of the fruits of the Spirit.)

The bottom line is that I need all the help I can get from all the sources I can get, and I will trust God with making it all work together for my good.